I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
