im holly from the hills drunk
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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