just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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