Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
