I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
