i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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