I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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