You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize