I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
