You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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