So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
