I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize