So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
