The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
