Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
