someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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