Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
