when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
