I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
