He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
