WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
last night I used snow as a chaser
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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