..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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