when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
