My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize