I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
