Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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