We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
