nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
