Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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