I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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