the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
