Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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