lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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