New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
