I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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