so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
