I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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