Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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