I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
