WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
