Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
