he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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