Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
