So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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