I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
