I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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