I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
