my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
