Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
