You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
