great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
