I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
where am i from again
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize