just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
