You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
