please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
