I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
how drunk are you?
Several
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
