I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
