wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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