I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
