plz talk dirty to me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
