when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
where are my pants?
in the oven.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
