So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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