wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize