Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
