So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
