dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so let's talk penis.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
