cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I believe in your delicious
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
