dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
