you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
