forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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