My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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