OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
