Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You smell like stripper and shame
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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