Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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