thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
