She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
