First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
