I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
