mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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