It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize