i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
