I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
