I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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