morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
birth control should be required to get into college
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
