i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
