she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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