just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
