I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
