I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
