Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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