I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
