they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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