there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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