is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
