And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
