Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
