3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
