I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
