It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize